I just couldn’t do it. I’m sorry for the huge gap of silence, but I couldn’t make myself start. My process has always been to begin thinking/praying about the next prayer and what my specific focus for that scripture should be. How does God’s word specifically need to be expressed in our lives; how can we seek God’s power and search for his wisdom? That has been no problem.
I got stuck at the second step.
The second step- that’s the one where I look though all my old photos and find one to match up with my prayer. I just couldn’t do it. Looking through those old photos when my house is empty and silent? Somehow, it just didn’t seem possible.
Isn’t that silly? My kids (mostly) come home every day, we still have this great family life, and I’m still really busy and happy. But there has been this little part of my self that is mourning a change I was happy to make.
And you know, I think it’s ok. Mamas, it’s ok to be sad when our kids go off to school, when they go to a teacher for advice instead of you, when they don’t let you fix their hair or ask you opinion about the outfit for the first time. Of course we are proud of their maturity, and glad they have other trusted advisors, and we don’t want them to live for our approval. Of course.
But we are women, and so we have room in our hearts for more than one emotion at a time, and sadness is just fine. We feel it, we acknowledge it, we let it go. I sometimes have trouble with this- my brain wants to tell me how I feel so I get a little stuck, and I forget to feel what I feel.
Sisters, friends, thanks for understanding and grace. I’m so grateful for you.
Father, thank you. For the days past and the days to come. For the happiness and the sadness and the changes and the mourning and the gladness and the ability to feel. Grow me, Father, so that I can serve you though it all.
prayersformychildren.org 